You know. I don’t make a habit of checking people’s Social Media’s before I engage with them. Only because Social Media’s aren’t always accurate, and before I get a bad impression I like to have an actual conversation with them, etc.

Now, one thing about me. I wait before I jump to conclusions. I trace hints before I make accusations. And I highlight key words before I bite a nigga’s head off.

Today’s example. A young man hits me up on Facebook. Little cutie pie, the young ones been driftin my way lately cause they’re obviously going through their Man-Sition (manly transition), basically. Past puberty, but growing into their more masculine features. Yaaass Gawd.

Anyway, he hits me up. I entertain the conversation. Obviously a texter cause paragraphs are nothing to this young man. Lmao. “Smoke & Chill” was in his approach, first sign. And then he throws in “I understand my car in the shop right now so I’m not mobile I mean we can pull up to a nice view and jus talk I don’t wanna say come over cause I don’t want u thinkin I’m on no other shit” (insert smirk emoji) – which uuuuuusually means they’re on some other shit. 

So I proceed making mental notes, ‘you know, the young ones make cool little BFFs. They like to play actual games and stuff. Uno, Connect 4, shit like that. Yeah – I’ll be like his big sister.’ Then he throws the verbiage “lil date” in there. Side note: just cause you say lil date or big date, it’s still a date that you are offering. Cut the shit. Moving on.

So as I am already pre-solidifying this conversation, I decide to go to his little page. Tell me why, this boy is in a whole relationship. Smh. So I point out the relationship status, liiiiiike – ‘you got a whole girlfriend. You don’t need no new homegirls, especially with the type of conversation you’re exchanging’. Now, keep in mind, I used the word “homegirls” intentionally, cause niggas tend to get defensive when you check em about their foul play.

Then he proceeds to say, “I wasn’t tryna be your man, I was tryna be your friend” skkrrrrrrrrrttttttt. First, case & point. Second, this sentence right here, this classic “Fuckboy Terminology” genuinely tickles the f**k outta me. This is universal defensive mode. This is that, deer in headlights terminology. First of all, fellas please please please do not flatter yourselves. 9 times out of 10 you were not even considered for the role of her “man” aaaaaanyway.. Cause I sure as hell didn’t say anything of the sort. I was simply wondering what the hell you were doing in my inbox talkin bout dates, and you have a whole broad just for that. For two, let’s just say for a moment I was a game goofy broad who feels as though she “misunderstood” your verbiage (smirk emoji). If your little girlfriend was having a very similar conversation, making a new male friend. You mean to tell me this conversation would be completely acceptable.

Don’t worry I’ll wait…..

….

I’ll let you finish actin like it wouldn’t matter or telling yourself “MY chick wouldn’t do that”…..

(tapping fingers on desk)….

……

Right. Moving on.

Now, the moral of this story is, if you have a girlfriend you need to act like it. It is not the woman’s responsibility to know about YOUR relationship. And pleeeeease, stop assuming b**ches are just out here dyyyyyying to wife you. You guys are obviously not a quality experience bro. And there’s far too high a quantity of the types just like you. Dude, you’re literally making a fool out of your girlfriend. Publicly! Really? My best advise, be grateful. 

I appreciate you guys for tuning in for yet another Rant Archive of mines.

Until next time.

  • Sue B.
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